My son has two dogs. My daughter has two cats. So that is the best I can claim in the grandchildren department. Most of my friends are my children’s’ ages – certainly old enough to have produced descendants, yet oddly – like me – mostly interested in creations of the mind and spirit.

Though certainly I respect the adoration and pride grandparents experience for their offspring’s offspring, there is not an ounce of envy in my heart; indeed some of these very doting people confess that one of the perks of grandparenting is sending the young ones home to mom and dad at the end of a visit.

Having stated my status, I will now relate a most pleasurable afternoon I recently spent as proxy grandma to three Asian kids!

The backstory begins in Singapore a couple of years ago, when my dear friend Rebecca Low, a speech coach and motivational speaker, invited me to co-present three workshops with her at the National University of Singapore. Rebecca graciously extended the trip to include several weeks of visiting and sightseeing. During this time the staff involved at NUS was most helpful and hospitable.

One lovely woman, Ily Tang , and I formed a bond that later continued via email. Last November she wrote to tell me that she and her husband, Wee Wah, would be visiting Princeton and other Eastern universities in connection with their work as part of a student exchange program. They would be bringing their three sons, Niken, aged fifteen, Nimoe, twelve, and Nizon, three and one-half. Could they come for tea? Of course! What do the boys like to eat? Sweets. The date was set for Dec.1^st.

Fortunately my apartment is designed so that I use the second bedroom as a den, complete with sleep sofa, coffee table for refreshments and all-important TV set.

MY CONCERNS CONCERNING ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE BOYS WAS FOR NAUGHT. EITHER NIKON OR NIMOE TOOK OVER THE REMOTE AND THE THREE SETTLED IN TO WATCH THEIR FAVORITES WITHOUT INTERFERENCE FROM THEIR PARENTS OR ME. SNACKS WERE ARRANGED ON A WICKER TRAY TABLE. NOTHING EASIER!

THE GROWNUPS GATHERED ROUND THE ROUND DINETTE TABLE TO SIP TEA AND SNACK ON PINWHEEL SANDWICHES AND ASSORTED GOODIES.

NOT A PEEP FROM NIKON, NIMOE OR NIZON!

THE ONLY OUTBURST OF THE AFTERNOON CAME FROM THREE AND A HALF YEAR OLD NIZON WHEN ONE OF HIS BROTHERS TRIED TO REMOVE AN IPHONE CLENCHED IN HIS TINY FIST. OH YES, HE KNEW EXACTLY HOW IT WORKED!

NOW I ASK YOU TO IMAGINE THIS SCENARIO WITH THREE AVERAGE AMERICAN YOUNGSTERS.

I’ve chosen to use this visit as an illustration to talk about basic cultural differences I've observed and experienced between Eastern and Western norms of interpersonal relations. Perhaps it is best noticed at opposite poles of the age spectrum.

If I had to sum it up in a word, that word would be RESPECT.

I respectfully submit three vignettes, well aware that all rules have exceptions.


PLACE: A NYC BUS
Nanny occupies a seat while next to her sits a three year old. Elders, some infirm, stand; usually too embarrassed to request that nanny hold her non-paying charge on her lap so a senior can sit.

PLACE: A CITY SIDEWALK
Several young mothers pushing prams form a barricade across the sidewalk, forcing pedestrians into traffic in order to pass.

PLACE: A RESTAURANT
Diners looking forward to a pleasant meal and good conversation are instead treated to the howls of an infant, whose parents unapologetically allow everyone to share their domestic disturbance as if the family were eating at home.

The same holds true for tipsy, loud voiced adults, perhaps the same ones who believe that to be heard one must shout into a cell phone.

HERE ARE A FEW PITHY REMARKS TO ADD TO MY OWN

I have a respect for manners as such; they are a way of dealing with people you don’t agree with or like.
Margaret Mead


Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
Fred Astaire


SPOKEN AS AN OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA FOR A DAY

Lately there have been a couple of books about the out of body experiences of two scientists (Dr. Mary Bell – “To Heaven and Back”) and Dr. Eben Alexander - Proof of Heaven”). Both authors are neurosurgeons who have reversed their long held clinical beliefs regarding the finality of death as a result of personal experiences.

When our broken bodies and brains depart Earth for the dimension we designate as Heaven, could this be comparable to sending a totally totaled automobile back to the factory for restoration rather than to rot in a a grave/junkyard?

The car has served us faithfully, hauling us around in exchange for fuel and maintenance. What if vehicles were rewarded with a chance to rest, a new carcass (pun intended) and an opportunity for further service?


IS IT POSSIBLE THAT OUR DIVINE CREATOR IS SO SHORT SIGHTED AS TO FASHION A COMPLEX MULTI-FACETED BEING SUCH AS MAN – TO SAY NOTHING OF THE INTRICACIES OF FEMININE WILES AND WISDOM - THEN TOSS IT ASIDE FOR AN UNSEASONED MODEL? WHY WOULD HE/SHE PUT SUCH A LIMITED SHELF LIFE ON LIFE?

NO DOCTOR OR MIDWIFE EVER OBSERVED AN EXPIRATION DATE STAMPED ON ANY BABYS FOOT. WHEN THE BABYS’ BOD WEARS OUT, COULD

IT GO BACK TO THE FACTORY FOR RENEWAL?

THIS MAKES AN EXCELLENT CASE FOR RECYCLING!

IT IS CALLED REINCARNATION!


In previous blogs I have referred to perhaps the original major influence of my life, a book I received as a young child titled JIJI LOU, subtitled “The Story of a Cast-Off Doll”, by Luline Bowles Mayol. The narrative tells how Jiji Lou, a rag doll who had seen better days, along with a broken china dog named Nebs, were tossed into a garbage can because their mistress’ nurse had deemed them a disgrace to the nursery.

They were rescued by Jenks the Junkman and taken to Junkland, a haven for cast-off toys, where all arrivals were restored to original condition by the Make-over Man.

Newly inspired, Jiji Lou and Nebs make a pumpkin home for all the baby dolls in Junkland!


 IT CANNOT BE MERE CHANCE THAT ONE OF MY PROFESSIONS WAS IMAGE CONSULTING. I PROVIDED GUIIDANCE FOR CLIENTS DESIRING MORE SUCCESSFUL CAREERS BY ADJUSTING THEIR DRESS AND DEMEANOR. LATER, I FOUNDED A NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION (SUITABILTY) WHICH ASSISTED DISADVANTAGED WELFARE RECIPIENTS AND AT-RISK YOUTH TOWARD FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE AND IMPROVED SELF-ESTEEM.


JIJI LOU REMAINS MY ROLE MODEL AS I REINVENT MYSELF FOR PERHAPS THE SIXTH TIME. NOW I CALL MYSELF A LIFE TRANSITION COUNSELOR.


ANOTHER MENTOR FROM GREEK MYTHOLOGY IS PERSEPHONE, BELOVED DAUGHTER OF DEMETER, GODDESS OF THE GRAIN. AS PERSEPHONE GATHERED FLOWERS IN A FIELD, PLUTO, GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD WAS SMITTEN WITH HER BEAUTY AND ABDUCTED HER TO HIS DARK UNDERWORLD KINGDOM. PLUTO EVENTUALLY STRUCK A BARGAIN WITH THE INCONSOLABLE DEMETER, PERMITTING PERSEPHONE TO DIVIDE HER TIME BETWEEN EARTH AS DEMETERS’ DUTIFUL DAUGHTER, BRINGING SPRING AND SUMMER, AND HADES, WHERE SHE REIGNED AS QUEEN OF THE UNDERWORLD, LEAVING EARTH BARREN IN AUTUMN AND WINTER.


IN YOUTH I WAS MAMAS’ LITTLE GIRL. IN MY VERSION OF PERSEPHONE'S STORY, I SEDUCED PLUTO AND WILLINGLY WENT WITH HIM TO HADES, HIS HOME. HADES IS A METAPHOR FOR THE SUBCONSCIOUS, WHERE I LEARNED TO NAVIGATE ITS’ SECRETS AND MYSTERIES, MATURING INTO A WISE WOMAN AND GUIDE.


In today’s’ culture, many Persephone women attempt to remain “The Eternal Girl”, as she was called, reluctant to recognize that wilted flowers are dead. Only by burying their innocence, can women embrace mature wisdom, finding a deeper joy in new roles as national treasures and trendsetters for upcoming generations.


JIJI LOU’S STORY BEGINS WITH A POEM IN THE PREFACE OF HER BOOK:


Now, Jiji Lou was a cast-off doll.
And her troubles, you must admit,
Were many and great,
But she’d never state
That she was aware of it.

And Jiji Lou was a shabby doll,
And her clothes were faded and torn,
But she never grumbled
And never groaned,
 And she never looked forlorn.

And Jiji Lou was a homeless doll,
And as timid as a mouse,
But she worked with a will
And a smile until
She had built a pumpkin house.

She was always happy, she always smiled,
She was always brave and true,
She was kind, she was good,
She did all that she could,

Now, that’s a lesson for you.

AREN'T WE AS A SPECIES WORTH AT LEAST AS MUCH AS JUNK?

Lately I have been concerned - I refuse to say worried – so OK – worried - about a seemingly threatening issue. Though experience has repeatedly taught that rescue always arrives in the nick of time from an unexpected direction, this dark cloud hovered above me, dark and foreboding disaster. At such times I follow my own rules, keep calm, retreat to my safe center, my position of witness - using the promises of Psalm 91 as a protective buffer.

These words came to me Thanksgiving morning as I huddled under the covers:

I say to you:
Fear not.
Go to the Light.
Light is Love.

Your errors are forgiven.
All is forgotten.
You are Free.

More wisdom continued.

Dwell in the Light of Certainty.

FEAR is IGNORANCE.

 My animals have taught me so much. I remember my eight pound Pekinese, Princess Yin, as a precocious pup, afraid of nothing until one evening she burst into agitated barking. Upon investigation, the object of her terror turned out to be a nightshirt that to her must have had a frightening shape, which I had hung over the bathtub to dry. I took it down and she saw that it presented no threat.

 Yinnie understood that it was harmless.

Children learn early on that Halloween witches and the fearsome Wizard of Oz exist only for their entertainment.

Boogie men are easily banished by nightlights.

 Indra, a close friend and fellow traveler, offered this instruction as a ritual which can help change a worried, non-productive mindset:

Gather documents representative of your dilemma(s).

Place them beneath a lit light (lamp, candle) of your choice.

Tell them that they are returning to the light of Enlightenment.

Bless them on their way.

Fugetaboutit!!!

OUR MINDS OPERATE SOMEWHAT LIKE WATER FILTERS WHICH ARE DESIGNED TO ELIMINATE ELEMENTS DETERMINED BY THE EGO TO BE DETRIMENTAL TO ITS’ AGENDA.

IN RECENT TIMES PAST TO THE PRESENT; PHOTOGRAPHERS PLACED FILTERS ON THEIR CAMERAS WHICH ALTERED EFFECTS OF COLOR AND LIGHT UPON SUBJECTS. IN THIS DIGITAL AGE, VISUAL RESULTS ARE LARGELY CONTROLLED BY HUMANS USING COMPUTER PROGRAMS.

MEMORIES OF PAST EVENTS EFFECTIVELY SCREEN OUR PERFORMANCE, FORMING A BLUEPRINT FOR FUTURE PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR. EVERYONE SEES THE PRESENT IN HIS/HER LIGHT OF THEIR INDIVIDUAL PAST, ENSURING MORE OF THE SAME CONDITIONS AND CIRCUMSTANCES.

IT IS GENERALLY RECOGNIZED BY BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOLOGISTS THAT REPETITIVE BEHAVIOR INDUCES A TENDENCY TOWARD REPETITION. THIS CAN BE CONFIRMED BY OBSERVATION:

IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID,
 YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT.

THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT.

Soaking in a soothing bath is one of my fave places to receive guidance; in this instance, insight for a way to reinforce the significant message of this blog. Certain that greater minds than mine must have contemplated this theme, I turned to my faithful servant, the internet.

SO THESE GEMS CROP UP:

We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.
Christian Nevell Bovee

 Misunderstanding arising from ignorance breeds fear, and fear remains the greatest enemy of peace.
Lester B. Pearson

 Fear always springs from ignorance.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ignorance is the parent of fear.
Herman Melville

 LET’S GO A BIT DEEPER. “A COURSE IN MIRACLES”, (PUBLISHED BY THE FOUNDATION FOR INNER PEACE), IS BELIEVED TO HAVE BEEN DICTATED BY JESUS TO HELEN SCHUCMAN, A JEW WHO WAS ALSO AN ATHEIST WHILE SHE WAS A PROFESSOR OF MEDICAL PSYCHOLOGY AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY. THE TEXT CLAIMS THAT ALL EMOTIONS DERIVE FROM ONLY TWO - LOVE AND FEAR.

SCRIPTURE STATES THAT:

THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE. BUT PERFECT LOVE DRIVES OUT FEAR…..
John 4:18

SO CLEARLY, KNOWLEDGE BANISHES IGNORANCE ALONG WITH ITS SOURCE, FEAR,
RESTORING LOVE.