February 5, 2014

  • LOST AND FOUND

    Now that my definition of “home” has a whole new landscape and mindset, I will take some time to reflect on feelings about the events that have transpired over the past six months, the three before and after this transition. Fifty-seven years of residence anywhere does entitle one to some sense of ownership. I had almost forgotten that any place, being or thing acquired in a lifetime is, from the largest perspective, only loaned to us for a limited time.

    Recently I heard from a friend that, upon visiting my former abode to see a doctor with offices there, she was told by a building employee, who recognized her and inquired about me, that Miss Tanner was greatly missed, that she had earned much affection and respect during her tenure. This revelation actually brought tears to my eyes as I realized that friendship is one of the treasures we are allowed to store up on earth without fear of loss.

    IN MY NEW QUARTERS, POSSIBILITIES FOR FRESH RELATIONSHIPS FLOURISH, FROM THE STAFF TO THE PET SITTER TO MY NEIGHBORLY NEIGHBORS. MATTER OF FACT, RETURNING FROM BRUNCH LAST SUNDAY I TRIPPED ON A CRACK IN THE SIDEWALK AND WAS HAULED TO MY FEET BY THE MUSCULAR GUY AT THE END OF MY HALL, OUT FOR A STROLL WITH HIS WIFE AND BABY. WHAT AN UNFORGETTABLE BEGINNING!

    EVEN FURNISHINGS, LUSTER DIMMED BY FAMILIARITY AS WELL AS YEARS, NOW SEEN IN THE LIGHT OF NEW SURROUNDINGS, DISPLAY ASPECTS TOO LONG IGNORED AND/OR NOT FULLY APPRECIATED. WHO KNEW THAT OLD PIECES COULD BE REVITALIZED BY PLACING THEM IN A DIFFERENT SETTING?  OR THAT AN ART DECO RUG, PREVIOUSLY HIDDEN BY A DINING TABLE NOW GONE, COULD EMERGE AS THE PERFECT CENTERPIECE FOR A STUDIO/BEDROOM?

    OMG! IT JUST DAWNED ON MY EMERGING BORN AGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS THAT A LADY OF MATURE YEARS COULD LIKEWISE BE TRANSFORMED BY PLANTING HER IN FRESH SOIL! HERE I CAN REALLY BLOOM, GROW INTO WHOEVER OR WHATEVER IS WAITING IN THE WINGS.

    In a sense, convention locks most transient occupants of this planet into a pretty predictable pattern. Pre-conditioned tendencies play out as all too familiar soap operas – same old ageless stories with new additions to the cast each season. My TV Guide magazine arrived with announcements that this fall several “new” shows would feature past performers, favorite actors with somewhat older forms and faces – still, basically a rehash warmed over and served on a recycled menu.

    Thank the Lord my energy level, after plunging to previously unknown depths, is rising to what feels almost like one’s old, or rather younger self. This could of course be caused by a considerable lessening of stress now that the ordeal is fading into memory. While there is doubt that dancing all night is doable, in time a semblance of spring could again enliven my step. In all fairness, the return of the weather to less sweltering conditions helped.

    The key to getting through challenging times appears to be acceptance. There is a truism that excessive suffering is linked to the amount of resistance pitted against unchangeable circumstances.

    GIVING BIRTH TO A NEW LIFE IS MESSY, TO SAY THE LEAST.

    This gestation, begun during the spring equinox, with all the blossoming promises of fresh beginnings along with the inevitable travail associated with uncertainty, has terminated with the season of harvest and Thanksgiving.

    It has also coincided with the Jewish High Holy Days, a time of repentance, reverence and, with the beginning of a new cycle, renewal. Forgiven of past errors, a blank slate lies ahead upon which I may inscribe an uncharted chapter, or at least some new blogs.

    LOOKING AROUND MY SACRED SPACE, SUNLIT THOUGH IT IS, THE DAYS INDEED GROW SHORTER AS I RECALL THE SEMI-SAD LYRICS OF “SEPTEMBER SONG”
    (by Kurt Weill)

    “The days dwindle down to a precious few…..”

    SO WHO’S COUNTING?

    ENJOY THE NOW!

    NOW!

January 23, 2014

  • WIRELESS AND CLUELESS

    When I was a child our family shared a telephone with several other parties – perhaps that was why it was called a party line. It was a first come, first served system. You waited your turn in line; online would come along many decades later.

    At that time, telephone poles literally circled the world, their wires connecting us all. The system was orchestrated by an army of operators; no automated menus – one spoke directly to a real person, always a woman. Actually, our family’s lives were saved by one of those ladies, who called the police when the Tanners didn’t answer their phone. Seems gas was leaking while we slept!

    IT’S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I MOVED FROM 10A TO 7J. FINALLY THE PLACE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE CIVILIZED LIVES HERE. THE FULL REALIZATION OF HOW WE HAVE BECOME SO DEPENDENT/ ENAMORED OF OUR TECHIE TOYS SURFACED WHEN SHOPPING WAS ESSENTIAL, STRENGTH AND TIME LIMITED. HOWEVER, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WIRELESS WORLD CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS LOVE/HATE.

     FURNITURE THAT HAD SURVIVED THE MOVE AND SOME DÉCOR WERE IN PLACE. THERE REMAINED A LIST OF ITEMS TO BE PURCHASED TO COMPLETE AND UNIFY PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE. SO I HIT THE KEYBOARD OF MY LATEST MODEL, HIGH SPEED COMPUTER.

    YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE DETAILS. SUFFICE TO SAY THAT A CALM, USUALLY PATIENT AND POLITE PERSON WAS REDUCED TO BARELY CONTROLLED TEARS OF FRUSTRATION.

    On the brighter side, my IT friend Juan has hooked my system up so that I can download programs on my computer; then by using a tiny remote I can view these webinars or whatever in bed, playing repetitively, if I wish, on my 40” TV screen. Simultaneously, I can watch an accompanying media player display hypnotic electronic explosions of brilliantly colored designs in endless variety. Squiggles, splashes and sunbursts erupt in perpetual motion as I recline on my art deco sleigh day (night) bed enveloped in surround sound. It’s enough to either lull one to sleep or insure being up all night watching in fascination! This is a dream come true for someone who as a kid adored kaleidoscopes.

    As I ponder the plight of living in a cutting edge environment while stuck with a mind that refuses to multitask, I realize that the dilemma isn’t going away. Indeed, as the years pass the complexity can only compound. I only can cope with a lot of help from my friends as I gradually learn what buttons to push, or rather which keys to click.

    The chants of Buddhist monks are intended to entrain their brains so that their focus is single-minded rather than dualistic. It isn’t easy to serve opposing masters of spirit and secular realms. Observing my own behavior indicates that past habits such as mulling matters over, making lists of pros and cons and asking endless advice are pointless when making a decision. Procrastination ends only when I follow my own inner guidance. Results so far have proved positive in the long term. As the old advice goes:

     “THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING”

    By now you know that, whatever the question, Inner Guidance always delivers the only perfect answer, so why waste time and energy figuring things out? Debates are mental gyrations, usually empty exercises in speculation. I have a phrase which aptly describes this phenomenon, but it would most likely be deleted by an editor or certainly challenge my claim to be a lady.

    BEING WIRELESS AND CLUELESS IN THIS ELECTRONIC UNIVERSE IS OK WITH ME AS LONG AS I TRUST THAT THAT MY INTERNAL MESSAGES TO AND FROM THE INFINITE ARE CERTAIN TO BE LOUD, CLEAR AND ACCURATE.

    TO BE TOTALLY TRUTHFUL MY REQUESTS OF DIVINITY MAY BE DUBIOUS, EVEN DANGEROUS. THEY ORIGINATE IN MY IMPERFECTLY PROGRAMMED MIND. GOD GAVE US TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH, IMPLYING THAT WE USE THEM IN THAT PROPORTION.

    WHEN LISTENING TO AND FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS FROM HIGHEST WISDOM PRODUCE HAPPY RESULTS, WHO NEEDS WIRES AND CLUES?

January 20, 2014

  • LIVING OUT OF THE BOXES

    Who knew that the first night in my new apartment would be spent sleeping in the bathtub? It was either that or the floor and there was literally no space on the floor, filled to the ceiling with furniture, cartons and Hefty black plastic bags.

    So I threw some pillows in the tub, trying to stabilize them and twist myself into some small degree of comfort until dawn arrived. I reassured mind and aching body that this would prayerfully be a one-time experience.

    Muffle’s space had been set up earlier, with her kitty condo, food and litter box. She was truly my super-duper trooper for the ease with which she adapted to her new home!

    Finding grooming essentials and preparing food were challenging. Locating something to wear proved easier. In the next weeks somehow whatever I pulled out worked as if by magic, creating original and unexpectedly pleasing combinations. I suggest to designers planning new collections that they first create some chaos and observe what emerges randomly.

    THOUGH I AM ATTEMPTING TO PRESENT THIS SAGA OF LIVING OUT OF BOXES IN A POSITIVE, LIGHT AND ENTERTAINING MANNER THE EXPERIENCE IS AT TIMES ALMOST NIGHTMARISH. IT WOULD BE DISHONEST TO GLOSS OVER THE CHALLENGES AND OBSTACLES THAT ARISE DAILY.

    THE TASK OF PRUNING MY EARTHY GOODS IS ALMOST OVERWHELMING – IT CANNOT BE TRUE THOUGH IT APPEARS THAT THE MORE I DISPOSE OF THE MORE IS LEFT.

     I AM REMEMBERING A VISION THAT APPEARED THE LAST NIGHT I SPENT IN 10-A. AN ENORMOUS ETCHING OF AN ANGEL – LIKE A WOODCUT CARVED IN NEUTRAL TONES – DOMINATED MY ROOM – PERHAPS 20 FEET LARGE. IT WAS TWO DIMENSIONAL AND SILENT YET ITS’ MESSAGE OF DIVINE PROTECTION WAS – AND IS – ELOQUENTLY CLEAR.

    Initially my mindset was that I could handle this move with a little or lot of help from my friends. I had simply overestimated my physical capability and underestimated/denied the enormity of the task. Also, even the best of friends have demanding lives in which helping others must fit into available time after their priorities.

    So I was literally forced to exit the box of my limited thinking.

    Of course my angel brokered the exodus.

    As I returned from marketing one afternoon, my concierge introduced me to a young woman seeking employment. Subrina had worked as housekeeper in the penthouse of this building for several years for a Chinese family that had returned to their home in Hong Kong. Sal thought I might need some help getting settled; well, that was an understatement! Subrina has been a godsend – capable, pleasant, with the endurance needed for this formidable task. As the icing on the cake, she is well educated, lives according to her high spiritual values and has adopted me as a mentor. What would have taken me months to accomplish is rapidly accelerating and developing into a mutually satisfying and productive relationship.

    THE COST IN TIME, ENERGY AND RESOURCES WILL RESULT IN FULL REALIZATION THAT THIS IS INDEED MY NEW RESIDENCE, WHERE ALL IS ORGANIZED ACCORDING TO PRESENT REQUIREMENTS; TRULY A HOME WHERE THERE IS A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.

    THE PACKING STUFF IS MOSTLY GONE. CUPBOARDS AND CLOSETS ARE FILLING TO THE MAX. MORE EDITING WILL BE REQUIRED TO REFINE AND REDUCE MOST, IF NOT ALL, THAT IS SUPERFLUOUS.

    GIVING AWAY THAT WHICH, REGARDLESS OF ATTACHMENTS, SIMPLY DID NOT MAKE THE CUT WAS MADE EASIER, KNOWING THAT EVERYTHING WILL FIND A NEW LIFE OF USEFULNESS. THIS MAKES PARTING FROM POSSESSIONS A SWEETER SORROW.

    MY FRIEND IRENE N. HAD ENVISIONED AN APARTMENT WHERE LIGHT WOULD STREAM THROUGH THE WINDOWS AS I WORK, AS IT IS NOW DOING. MY HEART MATCHES ITS ILLUMINATION.

    THESE ARE THE WORDS THAT NOW DEFINE MY CORE:

    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
    -Tao Te Ching

    We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting.
    -Joseph Campbell

    YOU CAN ONLY LOSE WHAT YOU CLING TO.
    -Buddha

January 17, 2014

  • SMITHEREENS

    After an exhausting period of packing and editing furnishings and possessions, I am amazed at just how much worldly goods one person can accumulate. The deed is done! By now there isn’t a shred of plaster left of 10-A. All that accumulated energy and history held within its’ walls has vaporized – ready to rise to a new threshold – an auspicious recreation/reinvention/ renewal.

    Some of my cherished convictions and concepts have been shattered by the superior ones of Higher Guidance. I had considered replacing my lovely red Chinese rug; now, renewed and re-fringed, it rests regally on a blonde parquet wood floor, bathed in light, completely transformed.

    The Ionic column desk, which had so captured my vision of classic creativity, was found to have a structural defect. Just prior to shipping, the order was cancelled. It will be replaced by a graceful art deco desk and chair which will sit in front of floor to ceiling windows which back-light my work space.

    Since almost all of my clothing is buried in boxes, whatever I retrieve is magically the exact right choice. Reinventing my wardrobe in unexpected and pleasing combinations previously not considered.

                      Restructuring has also occurred in relationships that date back as much as three decades. It’s not that people have changed; they continue to do what they have always done. Only now my tolerance level for what was previously acceptable is limited and defined by that which enhances my emotional well-being. If sacrificing authenticity is the diplomatic price to purchase approval, then what others think of me is none of my concern, as long as my words and deeds are rooted in integrity.

    LOVE AND SUPPORT OUTRANK JUDGEMENTS AND OPINIONS. WE ALL SEE EVERYTHING THROUGH FILTERS OF CONDITIONING AND PROGRAMMING, WHICH ARE OUR BIRTHRIGHT TO RETAIN OR REVISE ACCORDING TO NEW INSIGHT.

    MY NEW HOME IS SIX BLOCKS FROM MY FORMER APARTMENT. I HAD ASSUMED THAT BY STAYING IN A FAMILIAR NEIGHBORHOOD, I WOULD RETAIN A MORE OR LESS FAMILIAR ROUTINE – WELL, THAT ASSUMPTION  HAS ALSO BEEN SHATTERED – I MAY AS WELL HAVE MOVED TO A DIFFERENT CITY. (OFTEN WE FORGET THAT NEW YORK IS COMPOSED OF UNCOUNTABLE ENCLAVES, EACH WITH ITS OWN CHARACTER.)

    THIS LOCATION, WITHIN THREE SHORT BLOCKS, HAS A HEALING CENTER WHERE INTEGRATIVE SERVICES SUCH AS MASSAGE AND ACUPUNCTURE ARE AVAILABLE BY A PROFESSIONAL STAFF AT AFFORDABLE PRICES. (MY LEG AND ALLERGIES ARE RESPONDING WELL) WE ALSO HAVE A HEALTH FOOD SUPERMARKET AND SEVERAL NATURAL RESTAURANTS AS WELL AS EXCELLENT ETHNIC EATERIES. NAIL SPAS ABOUND AS DO THE USUAL SMALL CONVENIENCE BUSINESSES. IF I CRAVE FASHION, IT’S A BLOCK WEST.

    Oddly, as chaos, clutter and confusion overwhelm my living quarters; my mind remains relatively free of disorganization, disarray and discomfort. Never has my heart been filled with such serenity, peace and gratitude.

    This building is not so large that it is impersonal or too small to provide amenities. First names are the norm. Everyone smiles and says hello.

    My street is quiet. There are trees outside. My little balcony holds my artificial greenery which looks quite natural and doesn’t require a green thumb.

    Did I mention that looking west I can see Ira’s old apartment building? Looking up I spot the balconies on his floor, sensing his happiness as he holds our little Yinnie in his arms as they rejoice in watching over Muffie and me.

    HOW CAN THESE BLESSINGS BE DISMISSED AS PURE GOOD FORTUNE, THE RANDOM FALLOUT OF CHANCE EVENTS? HAPPENSTANCE IS RANDOM, LETTING THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY.

    THE WORKINGS OF AN INTELLIGENT UNIVERSE ARE JUST THAT: THERE CAN BE NOTHING CARELESS OR INDIFFERENT – NO LUCK OF THE DRAW IN THE TINIEST DETAIL.

    SMITHEREENS VAPORIZE INTO NOTHINGNESS, TO LITERALLY GET A NEW LEASE ON LIFE, TO RE-EMERGE AS EVOLVED RESULTS OF THE ULTIMATE COLLABORATION WITH OUR CREATOR:

    THE PHOENIX ARISES ONCE MORE FROM THE ASHES OF THE BURNT-OUT PAST AS THE RE-CREATION OF DIVINITY AND ITS MOST DIVINE CREATION – MANKIND.

January 13, 2014

  • THE SPIRIT IS WILLING

    Acceptance eventually replaces resistance as the intellect finally comes to terms with the limitations of the body. Never has this been so obvious to me as in this process of packing up to move out of what is no longer my long-time home. (The new owners have already invaded with their team of architects, designers and other transformers. The place will be pristine and gorgeous, at least until their two little boys initiate the premises!)

    To illustrate my present state: I am an avid reader and buyer of books, acquiring numerous and spacious shelves to house them. My imminent move to smaller quarters prompted, in addition to accepting the fact that my library would not be making the trip, the realization that I had an unlimited warehouse of reference online at my fingertips, occupying virtually no space at all. The formidable task of transferring this amount of hardcopy to cartons for removal is a daunting task which  can only be accomplished by those younger and stronger than I.

    Bless my friends, Irene and Cindy, for their caring and coming to my rescue! Bearing cardboard cartons for packing and containers of food for sustenance, they have taken charge to such a degree that my role is largely one of editing personal effects.

     OK – SO THE BOD AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A SENIOR MOMENT OR TWO, THE MIND AND SENSE-ABILITIES ARE SOAKING IN THE FULL ESSENCE OF BEING FULLY CONSCIOUS IN THIS EXPERIENCE WHILE TRANSLATING IT INTO THE LANGUAGES OF EMOTIONS, SOUL AND SPIRIT.

    CONCURRENT WITH THIS ACTIVITY COME PERIODS WHEN I CANNOT KEEP MY EYES OPEN AND TIMES WHEN THOUGHTS OF FURNITURE PLACEMENT KEEP ME AWAKE TIL DAWN.

    COPING WITH THE MUSCULAR/NERVE PAIN IN MY RIGHT LEG INHIBITS ACTIVITY BEYOND SHOPPING FOR NECCESSITIES. STILL I SENSE ENORMOUS – IF GRADUAL – SURGES OF FORWARD ENERGY WHICH WHISPER THAT ALL GOES WELL.

    EVEN MY ELECTRONICS ARE SENDING ME AFFIRMATION THAT INDEED I AM ON COURSE, ALLIGNED WITH MY HIGHEST PURPOSE!

    Taking a break from too much stillness pervading the premises on this Memorial Day weekend, I turned on Pandora, selecting my Jim Oliver station for background sound. To my astonishment the next track was by an artist called “Phoenix Arising” from an album titled

    “Ascension”

    Since the Phoenix is the mythological symbol which embodies my deepest beliefs and ascension accurately describes my path, what further feedback could I desire for validation?

    It is apparent that the universe knows what is going on in its entirety, is aware of our most minute nuances of thoughts and activities well enough to actively dialogue with each individual and will offer accurate guidance with our highest purpose in mind. All that is required is our observance, agreement and participation.

    LOVE IS THE SOLE CATALYST NEEDED TO IGNITE THIS INTERACTION!

    GRATITUDE WILL FAN THE FLAME, ACCELERATE AND INSPIRE!

    My computer conked out upon reaching this point; though Juan coaxed it back into operation, I will have to bite the bullet and replace it with a new model. So I have not been able to complete this blog or anything else. And I have to be outta here in ten days.

    I hired a couple to wrap and pack. Anna and Vinnie may purchase small items. Since there will still be more furniture than available space, the question is to determine what will make the transition, what will go to thrift shops or others who can give it a new life.

    This feeling is slightly surreal, since I have relinquished all attachments of ownership to the past. My major concern is that Muffie will make the journey easily – since cats are curious creatures, once in her new digs, she is certain to find new and cozy nooks and crannies to explore.

    A BLESSING ARRIVED THIS MORNING. ATER WEEKS Of PAIN I AWOKE TO THE FEELING Of SOMETHING MISSING; IT TOOK A FEW SECONDS TO REALIZE THAT NOTHING HURT – MY LEG WAS ALMOST BACK TO NORMAL  I COULD ACTUALLY WALK WITHOUT WINCING.

    IS THIS A HARINGER INDICATING FORWARD MOVEMENT IN OTHER RESTRICTED, STAGNANT AND STUCK AREAS OF MY ONGOING SOAP OPERA?

January 10, 2014

  • ALL OR NOTHING

    Though I have probably discussed this topic in a previous article the message is worth many repetitions, mostly because the concept is so contrary to popular belief/experience that acceptance may be difficult. For most, survival is a daunting lifelong struggle. As some wag said:

    “Life is a bitch and then you die.”

    It is an inescapable observation that living under most world conditions frequently seems such an escalating challenge that it takes all one’s energy just to stay afloat; the more effort expended, the fewer rewards are reaped. According to most popular wisdom, we are that taught that operating at 99% of one’s capacity is grueling, exhausting and unfulfilling.

    ODDLY ENOUGH, WORKING AT 100% OF CAPACITY TRANSFORMS LABOR INTO A HARMONIOUS FLOW WHICH IS ULTIMATELY INVIGORATING, PRODUCTIVE AND SATISFYING.

    For some time I have been documenting a major personal transition; moving from a 5½ room co-op to a  one bedroom plus living room rental, perhaps the most challenging endeavor of this incarnation. Today I will depart from that narrative to talk about the underlying evolvement of my emotional and spiritual development as, once more

    THE GAME CHANGES.

     When the economic crisis of 2009 occurred, It became clear that no amount of wishful thinking was going to alter this inescapable fact: I had to move to higher (and more affordable) ground or drown in a flood of escalating debt and overwhelming frustration. My co-op costs were rising as income decreased.

    Co-existing with this inevitability of physical upheaval was another ground shift, one challenging the basic beliefs that I had so carefully constructed and nurtured for many decades. Some years back I made a somewhat reverse Faustian covenant with Creation:

    I WILL LIVE THE REST OF THIS EARTHLY SPAN EXCLUSIVELY IN SERVICE TO THE HIGHEST ASPECT OF MY BEING – THE PORTION THAT IS ONE WITH MY MAKER.

    I WILL PUT ALL MY EGGS IN ONE BASKET, SINK OR SWIM, WIN OR LOSE. I WILL PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS, WALK MY TALK, TELL MY TRUTH. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND. JUST AS ONE CANNOT BE A LITTLE BIT PREGNANT, ONE CAN SERVE ONLY ONE MASTER.

    EITHER GOD IS EVERYTHING OR NOTHING.

    I am far enough along on this journey to know for sure that this is the only road that leads to ultimate Truth. How can I be so sure?

    “THUS BY THEIR FRUITS YOU WILL RECOGNIZE THEM.”
    Mathew 7:20

    This for me refers to observing results from my choices.

    My soon to be vacated apartment is rather dark in coloring – dark stained wood floors, rich earth tones, Chinese red rug – you get the picture. Sunlight is sparse, even in rooms that face south, because of high-rises across the street. The interior office where I work overlooks a courtyard and the building next door. The furniture is black, placed on a brown tweed carpet, accented by a huge bronze Buddha. Though I have enjoyed writing here, there will be no separate workroom in my new digs. Instead there will be a bedroom/studio.

    Browsing on the internet in search of a new desk, I found one that caused me to gasp with delight. The working surface is flanked by ionic columns that rise to the ceiling, in a white oak finish. The design evokes such spaciousness! A keynote was immediately established for the entire apartment for which I am applying – floor to ceiling windows, blonde wood floors – just the opposite of my home of over 50 years. To maintain this space, income must be generated.

    OTHER THAN MY CREATIVE GIFTS I HAVEN’T MUCH TO OFFER IN EXCHANGE FOR COLD CASH. IT APPEARS THAT MY POSSESIONS, EXCEPT FOR MY HOME, ARE OF LITTLE VALUE IN TODAY’S MARKET.

    I HAVE 30 DAYS TO VACATE. THE PLACE LOOKS LIKE A WAR ZONE. YET I AM FILLED WITH THE LIGHT OF A DAWNING NEW DAY. LIGHT ALWAYS DISPELS DARKNESS. AS MY SOUL BRIGHTENS, MY LOAD LIGHTENS – LITERALLY!

    BREAKDOWN ALWAYS PRECEDES BREAKTHROUGH.

    “THE DARKEST HOUR ANNOUNCES THE DAWN.”
    Unknown

    AGAIN I HAVE LEAPED IN FAITH AND SO THE NET MUST APPEAR

November 12, 2013

  • THE STREET WHERE HE LIVED

    Now here is where the story gets a bit woo-woo, though that doesn’t frighten me in the least because the spirit who lived on this particular street {only five blocks away from my present apartment) adored me. And I believe he – Ira –  is getting into the act, helping my angels move me into an environment where my Siamese, Muffie, and I will be happy.

     Now I mentioned in a recent blog that in my search I had recently visited an apartment in a building where my daughter, Carol and her father, Arnold and Carol once lived. (At fourteen she decided that Mom’s house rules were too strict so she moved in with Dad, who permitted booze, pot and boys.)

    Is this relocation getting to be an extended family affair? Which ex-husband/lover will find Irene and Muffie’s perfect abode? Stay tuned….

     Meanwhile the dismantling continues, with choices to make according to how much furniture will fit into available space (which I can only estimate) and importance in terms of utility and aesthetics. For this determination I refer to an adage that I found useful, as an image consultant, helping clients organize their closets:

    IN ORDER TO GET THE GOOD, THE OBSOLETE MUST GO.

    IN ORDER TO GET THE BETTER, THE GOOD MUST GO.

    IN ORDER TO GET THE BEST, THE BETTER MUST GO.

    COULD THIS RULE APPLY TO RELATIONSHIPS AS WELL?

    Yesterday I visited a number of apartments with a nice young man from a realty company. Living in most of them was a depressing thought. One unit had possibilities as plan B. Then the couple who are buying my apartment requested a mid-May closing instead of early May, which may or may not be to my advantage. When indecision and uncertainty arise as in my present state of flux, the sanest choice is simply to stay centered, open to possibilities, flexible, poised, yet alert to subtle signals from my celestial board of advisors.

    THE PACKING BOXES ARE STACKED IN THE FOYER, WAITING TO BE FILLED AND FORWARDED.

    Today is a Sunday and guess what? My friend, Irene, who found the apartment on the street where Ira lived, found another in the same building listed in the Times. Only this one was larger and boasted an additional half bath.

    NOW SOME HIGHER INTELLIGENCE IS WORKING IN CAHOOTS WITH MY WISHES. IT HAS BEEN MY EXPERIENCE THAT WHEN MY ASPIRATIONS ARE IN ALLIGNMENT WITH THOSE OF MY CREATOR, THERE IS AUTOMATIC, HARMINIOUS FLOW. IF BLOCKAGE AND FRUSTRATION OCCUR, THE CORRECTNESS OF DIRECTION MUST BE QUESTIONED.

    THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT ALL WILL BE SMOOTH SAILING. THE WINDS OF CHANGE CAN BLOW HOT AND COLD, RANGING FROM A GENTLE BREEZE TO HURRICANE FORCE. SOME DAYS ARE CLOUDY WITH SHADOWS OF DOUBT; OTHERS ARE CRYSTAL CLEAR. WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ELEMENTS THAT ARE VOLATILE BY NATURE…..AND SINCE WE ARE NATURE MADE MANIFEST THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT WE HAVE FREE WILL, REQUIRING ONLY THE WILLINGNESS TO CHOOSE WISELY FOR HAPPY RESULTS.

      PATIENCE IS THE KEY VIRTUE NEEDED TO STAY ALERT AND AWARE WHLE WAITING TO SEE WHERE THE ROAD WILL LEAD. STAY MINDFUL, LOOK FOR SIGNPOSTS AND ALLOW THE FOG TO DISSIPATE.

     IT ALSO IS WISE TO PAY ATTENTION TO ONE’S BODY, WHICH, BEING THE DENSEST PART OF OUR BEING IS A TANGIBLE BAROMETER, REFLECTING WELL BEING OR MALAISE.  FOR SEVERAL WEEKS NOW MY RIGHT LEG HAS BEEN IMPEDING MY ADVANCE FORWARD. I LITERALLY CANNOT MOVE WITH EASE AND COMFORT AT THIS TIME. THE BLOCKAGE IS INNER, MANIFESTNG AS PAIN.

    SO I HOBBLE AROUND AND WAIT, MINDFUL OF AND GRATEFUL FOR PATIENCE, PARTICULARLY WITH MYSELF. I PETITION DIVINE GUIDANCE AND ASK FOR INTERVENTION SHOULD MY MUNDANE MIND SWAY ME FROM MY HIGHEST PURPOSE.

    RUMI’S WISE WORDS WILL NEVER FAIL TO CLARIFY:

    “LET YOURSELF BE SILENTLY DRAWN BY THE STRANGE PULL OF WHAT YOU REALLY LOVE. IT WILL NEVER LEAD YOU ASTRAY.”

October 5, 2013

  • EASY COME, EASY GO

    We come into this world with zero possessions other than God-given gifts of body, mind and spirit – tools with which fortunate beings are equipped to navigate our sojourn on earth. When we are finished with our tasks, we bequeath our stories – and their fruits – as a legacy to others – footprints proving that we have indeed been here, done that.

    Logistics of an individual life, though lived as a single unit of all consciousness, can for convenience be regarded as two sides of a coin; one reflecting that which is received, the reverse, that which is released. It’s as basic as breathing.

    IN AND OUT – GIVE AND TAKE

    ACTUALLY THE BREATH HAS THREE PHASES:

    TAKE IN – HOLD — LET OUT

    ALL BREATH CONTROL PRACTICES UTILIZE THIS FACT

    I am living this universal principle as I methodically disseminate my “possessions” and decide what I will acquire, what I will keep and what I will dispose of.

    I have accumulated a lot of stuff. It’s a daunting task to sort it all out, requiring assistance from many angels, heavenly and earthly, known and hidden, recognizable solely by their loving presence and/or miraculous deeds. The flesh and blood variety number far too many to acknowledge here; you know who you are.

    On this plane there are some new players in my drama, arriving in the nick of time to lend their energy and remain as fast friends.  Vinnie and Anna were recently recommended by a close friend and fellow traveler who values their services as a couple who are a prime resource for recycling just about anything – and making it fun!

    “NEVER COMPLAIN, NEVER EXPLAIN.”

    THIS PITHY ADVICE HAS BEEN ATTRIBUTED TO BENJAMIN DISRAELI, WALLIS SIMPSON, KATHERINE HEPBURN AND OTHERS. AT THIS POINT, WITHOUT BITCHING, MOANING OR COMPLAINING, I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER SOME WORDS THAT CLARIFY MY ATTRACTION TO OBJECTS FOR WHICH I HAVE AN AFFINITY/PERCEIVE AS BEAUTIFUL. YES, I SPEAK MOSTLY TO MYSELF.

    HOARDERS AND COLLECTORS

     Harry Selfridge had it right when he practically single-handedly turned shopping beyond necessities into a form of seduction, of perhaps the most addictive and satisfying nature. Long before Bloomies changed its’ image from dry goods store to fashion bastion, American born Harry Gordon Selfridge’s emporium on Oxford Street in London at the turn of the twentieth century provided a playground for the average citizen – mostly women, both homemakers and the newly emerging working girl. This first modern department store presented affordable ready-to-wear and accessories – among almost anything else that could be desired – of good quality, now available to the average wage earner, filling both practical and aesthetic functions. (Are you watching the PBS Masterpiece Classic “Mr. Selfridge”?}

    People have wondered if I am a hoarder. In fact, I am a collector – jewelry, handbags, shoes, scarfs – I am like a moth to flame. Since my new home will be less spacious than my present one, the challenge is one of editing.

    One of the differences between a hoarder and a collector is that of respect toward the objects in question and their organization. “A place for everything and everything in its place.”
    Benjamin Franklin

    Another distinction is the uniqueness of what is collected. Hoarders are more likely to accumulate old newspapers and bits of string than teapots or antique toys.

    A THING OF BEAUTY IS A JOY FOREVER
    John Keats

    In past moments of introspection I have considered overhauling my overstock so that my offspring will not have to undertake – pun intended – this gargantuan endeavor when I leave for some ethereal thing-less dimension. So Carol and Rick, regard this as a token of my love so that you will have kind and forgiving memories of a mother who did it Her Way!

    SO NO EXCESS BAGGAGE – ONLY GRATITUDE FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN  DISCERNMENT AND APPRECIATION FOR THE BEST THAT WE, IN PARTNERSHIP WITH DIVINITY, CAN CO-CREATE, MAKE USE OF FOR THE BENEFIT OF ALL; JOYFULLY EXCHANGING WORLDLY GOODS FOR OUR ULTIMATE HOME – ASCENSION INTO ETERNITY.

    I ARRIVED SMALL AND WEAK
    I SHALL LEAVE OLD AND BOLD!

September 29, 2013

  • PAYING ATTENTION

    As I inch forward along this well-worn road, I know by now that to stay alert, awake and attentive is essential to avoiding the pitfalls of mere wishful thinking and downright deception, whether by ones’ self or well-meaning others.

     One must refocus and rely only on one’s personal connection to infallible guidance from highest Source, while politely passing over solutions stemming from frequently “common sense” suggestions offered by programmed and/or traditional minds. More often than not there is such opposition in various viewpoints that it requires much discernment to separate the wheat from the chaff.

    Eventually humans may fully evolve to the extent that the left / logical and right / intuitive hemispheres of their brains will harmonize and become a single unit, presenting only thoughts that are fully integrated and aligned with well-being.

     SINCE PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT…

    I SHALL PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!

    I am now noticing small, or not so small, synchronicities.

    TO CLARIFY, I SHALL ENUMERATE THEM CHRONOLOGICALLY, MORE OR LESS:

    My daughter, Carol, called me from California a few days ago to tell me that someone she grew up with in this building, Tammy, gave her the name of a real estate broker, Judy, who reputedly knows every apartment on the Upper East Side (I prefer to remain in my present neighborhood. It feels like home.)

    I met Judy yesterday in the lobby of a building a few blocks away to look at possibilities. Previously in the week, I had inquired about rentals from an office I just “happened” to pass. The young man from this agency showed me an apartment suitable in every way except price. The location was next door to a drug chain, across the street from a supermarket and my bank. In front was a crosstown bus stop.

     Interestingly, Carol’s father, Arnold, had lived there after our separation. So did Carol, when at fourteen, she decided that living with mom was much too restrictive of her personal freedom. Later, Carols’ new step-mom to be, Linda joined the household. She still lives in the same premises with her significant other. Not to worry if we should meet, Linda and I are cool. If THOSE walls could talk!

    NOW IT JUST “HAPPENED” THAT THE BUILDING JUDY SHOWED ME WAS IN THE SAME VICINITY AS THE LOCATION I HAVE JUST DESCRIBED, ONLY NOT QUITE AS PRICY. THERE ARE PRESENTLY NO VACANCIES. IN MAY, MY PROJECTED MOVING DATE, SOMETHING COULD OPEN UP.

    SO WHERE IS THIS PATH LEADING? I HAVEN’T A CLUE.

    THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I WONDER WHAT ACTIONS I SHOULD BE TAKING.THE SPIRITUAL LEADER AND FOUNDER OF THE “SEDONA METHOD”, LESTER LEVENSON, RECOMMENDED USE OF “THE BUTT SYSTEM” WHEN FACED WITH SEEMING DIFFICULTIES.

    I SOMETIMES SIT AND WATCH OLD MOVIES. OFTEN THEY CONTAIN ENCOURAGING DIALOGUE, SUCH AS WHEN, IN “ALICE ADAMS”, THE FAMILY IS IN DIRE NEED, HER FATHER COUNSELS THAT SOMETHING ALWAYS COMES ALONG – AND IT DOES!

    FREQUENTLY WHEN I LISTEN TO MUSIC THE OLD ELLINGTON STANDARD “DO NOTHING ‘TIL YOU HEAR FROM ME” IS PLAYED,

     I INTERPRET THIS AS A SIGN FROM DIVINE GUIDANCE TO TAKE THE MESSAGE LITERALLY.

    IT’S A GORGEOUS EARLY SPRING DAY. A WALK IN THE PARK, OBSERVING MOTHER NATURE DECKED OUT IN HER NEW FINERY REMINDS ME THAT IT’S TIME TO PUT AWAY THE HEAVY WINTER GEAR AND DON SOMETHING LIGHTER. THIS CAN CARRY OVER TO MAINTAINING SUNNY THOUGHTS.

    HOW CAN I HAVE WEIGHTY MATTERS ON MY MIND ON SUCH A LIGHT AIRY APRIL DAY?

    I SHALL DON SOME SPRING FINERY, PARK MY BUTT ON A BENCH IN THE PARK AND DO NOTHING ‘TIL I HEAR FROM SOURCE.

September 20, 2013

  • FALLING APART

    The first phase of a major game change is that one notices small signals. The winds of life are shifting. After a period of relative calm, something is stirring, signaling that the time has arrived to stay alert – go along – accept – that one’s life has taken an irrevocable turn in a different direction.

    This morning the door of one of my kitchen cabinets became unhinged; this occurred after a week of witnessing that I, too, was becoming unhinged. There are no coincidences.

    The deed is done. The closing date on my residence of 57 years is May 2nd. It is now March 29th. Then I will have 30 days to move Muffie & Mommy to a new home.

     THE PRESENT PROSPECTS FOR THIS RELOCATION ARE DISMAL EARLIER THIS WEEK, EXPLORING ON A BLEAK, COLD RAINY DAY, I REALIZED THAT NO WAY COULD I LIVE IN AN UNPROTECTED BUILDING WITHOUT A SUPERMARKET OR SUPERINTENDENT IN SIGHT.

     DAILY I LOOK AROUND AT FAMILIAR SIGNS OF DETERIATION – BROKEN FAUCET HANDLES, MISMATCHED TILES, STUCK WINDOWS, BROKEN LOCKS – ALL CRYING OUT FOR RENEWAL. SOON THEIR WISH WILL BE GRANTED AS A YOUNG VIBRANT FAMILY WILL MOVE INTO THEIR GORGEOUS RENOVATED HOME.

    I CAN BEGIN TO CONTEMPLATE A SIMILAR NEW LEASE ON LIFE AS MY ATTITUDE SHIFTS FROM PANIC TO POSSIBILITIES. THE END OF THIS INITIALLY DISTURBING PERIOD IS DRAWING TO A MERCIFUL CLOSE WITH THE IMPLACABLE REALIZATION THAT NO ONE IS COMING TO MY PITY PARTY.

    When I left my first husband in Brooklyn and headed for Manhattan, the motivating circumstances were the breakdown of a dysfunctional marriage plus its consequence, a temporarily displaced child. Putting a band-aid on that situation involved further upheaval – sleep away summer camp and a long visit to grandma in North Carolina for Rick. Meanwhile I moved to a closet with a cot at the (then) Barbizon Hotel for Women.

     By the time I had miraculously moved into my present apartment with six year old Rick and gotten my furniture out of storage, I was immersed in a new doomed relationship – Arnold. An attorney who reneged on his promise to adopt Rick had by then produced a daughter, Carol. Now it became a “my son, his daughter” situation with no win in sight. Red flags of revolt reigned on all fronts. When inevitably we parted, my mother pleaded “Irene, please don’t tell anyone” Clearly, my failure reflected unfavorably on her.

    I did my utmost as a single working mother to provide for my family without alimony – by choice. My angels for sixteen years were a live-in couple, Joseph and Mary Cabau. Joseph worked full-time elsewhere: both moonlighted as “duenna” for me and devoted “grandparents” for my kids. Without them I could never have traveled extensively for my job as a designer/stylist in the textile industry, gaining income and experience. What glass ceiling? When the Women’s Movement came around I had already “been there – done that.”

    IT SEEMS PREDESTINED THAT THIS PARTICULAR GAME CHANGE IS OCCURRING IN THE TIME FRAME OF THE SPRING EQUINOX, JUST AS MOTHER EARTH IS LAUNCHING HER LATEST LINE OF BEAUTY PRODUCTS FOR OUR PLEASURE. THE FULFILLMENT OF WINTERS’ CONFINEMENT HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO AN EXPLOSION OF NEWLY BORN LIFE.

    BEGINNING WITH THE EARLIEST SPRING RITES OF PAGANS, MOST RELIGIONS CELEBRATE THIS SEASON AS SYMBOLIC OF RENEWAL, REGENERATION AND REBIRTH. AT EASTER TIME, CHRISTIANS EXALT JESUS AS PROOF OF ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH HIS RESURRECTION. FOR JEWS, PASSOVER REPRESENTS RELEASE FROM SLAVERY INTO FREEDOM.

    IRANIANS AND OTHERS FROM THE MUSLIM WORLD SIMULTANEOUSLY OBSERVE THEIR NEW YEAR IN THE MIDST OF NATURE’S SPLENDOR. ZOROASTRIANS HAVE PRACTICED THEIR RELIGION FOR 3,700 YEARS; THEY REMEMBER THEIR ANCESTORS AT YEAR’S END, BELIEVING THAT THEIR DEPARTED ONES REVISIT THEM AT THIS TIME.
    Washington Post 3/21/10

     I LIVE NEAR A FACILITY WHICH CARES FOR THE ILL AND ELDERLY, SURELY A SEGMENT OF SOCIETY REGARDED AS SUPERFLUOUS BY MANY. WITH A JOLT OF GRATITUDE I REALIZE THAT I WILL WALK INTO MY NEW QUARTERS ON TWO LEGS AND CARE FOR MYSELF WITH TWO CAPABLE HANDS. MY BODY IS UP TO THE TASK, SUPPORTED BY AN EVER MORE CREATIVE MIND AND AN UNDAUNTED SPIRIT.

     ONLY THOSE WHO WILL RISK GOING TOO FAR CAN POSSIBLY FIND OUT HOW FAR ONE CAN GO.
    T.S. Eliot