When I was a child our family shared a telephone with several other parties – perhaps that was why it was called a party line. It was a first come, first served system. You waited your turn in line; online would come along many decades later.

At that time, telephone poles literally circled the world, their wires connecting us all. The system was orchestrated by an army of operators; no automated menus – one spoke directly to a real person, always a woman. Actually, our family’s lives were saved by one of those ladies, who called the police when the Tanners didn’t answer their phone. Seems gas was leaking while we slept!

IT’S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I MOVED FROM 10A TO 7J. FINALLY THE PLACE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE CIVILIZED LIVES HERE. THE FULL REALIZATION OF HOW WE HAVE BECOME SO DEPENDENT/ ENAMORED OF OUR TECHIE TOYS SURFACED WHEN SHOPPING WAS ESSENTIAL, STRENGTH AND TIME LIMITED. HOWEVER, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WIRELESS WORLD CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS LOVE/HATE.

 FURNITURE THAT HAD SURVIVED THE MOVE AND SOME DÉCOR WERE IN PLACE. THERE REMAINED A LIST OF ITEMS TO BE PURCHASED TO COMPLETE AND UNIFY PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE. SO I HIT THE KEYBOARD OF MY LATEST MODEL, HIGH SPEED COMPUTER.

YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE DETAILS. SUFFICE TO SAY THAT A CALM, USUALLY PATIENT AND POLITE PERSON WAS REDUCED TO BARELY CONTROLLED TEARS OF FRUSTRATION.

On the brighter side, my IT friend Juan has hooked my system up so that I can download programs on my computer; then by using a tiny remote I can view these webinars or whatever in bed, playing repetitively, if I wish, on my 40” TV screen. Simultaneously, I can watch an accompanying media player display hypnotic electronic explosions of brilliantly colored designs in endless variety. Squiggles, splashes and sunbursts erupt in perpetual motion as I recline on my art deco sleigh day (night) bed enveloped in surround sound. It’s enough to either lull one to sleep or insure being up all night watching in fascination! This is a dream come true for someone who as a kid adored kaleidoscopes.

As I ponder the plight of living in a cutting edge environment while stuck with a mind that refuses to multitask, I realize that the dilemma isn’t going away. Indeed, as the years pass the complexity can only compound. I only can cope with a lot of help from my friends as I gradually learn what buttons to push, or rather which keys to click.

The chants of Buddhist monks are intended to entrain their brains so that their focus is single-minded rather than dualistic. It isn’t easy to serve opposing masters of spirit and secular realms. Observing my own behavior indicates that past habits such as mulling matters over, making lists of pros and cons and asking endless advice are pointless when making a decision. Procrastination ends only when I follow my own inner guidance. Results so far have proved positive in the long term. As the old advice goes:

 “THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING”

By now you know that, whatever the question, Inner Guidance always delivers the only perfect answer, so why waste time and energy figuring things out? Debates are mental gyrations, usually empty exercises in speculation. I have a phrase which aptly describes this phenomenon, but it would most likely be deleted by an editor or certainly challenge my claim to be a lady.

BEING WIRELESS AND CLUELESS IN THIS ELECTRONIC UNIVERSE IS OK WITH ME AS LONG AS I TRUST THAT THAT MY INTERNAL MESSAGES TO AND FROM THE INFINITE ARE CERTAIN TO BE LOUD, CLEAR AND ACCURATE.

TO BE TOTALLY TRUTHFUL MY REQUESTS OF DIVINITY MAY BE DUBIOUS, EVEN DANGEROUS. THEY ORIGINATE IN MY IMPERFECTLY PROGRAMMED MIND. GOD GAVE US TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH, IMPLYING THAT WE USE THEM IN THAT PROPORTION.

WHEN LISTENING TO AND FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS FROM HIGHEST WISDOM PRODUCE HAPPY RESULTS, WHO NEEDS WIRES AND CLUES?

Who knew that the first night in my new apartment would be spent sleeping in the bathtub? It was either that or the floor and there was literally no space on the floor, filled to the ceiling with furniture, cartons and Hefty black plastic bags.

So I threw some pillows in the tub, trying to stabilize them and twist myself into some small degree of comfort until dawn arrived. I reassured mind and aching body that this would prayerfully be a one-time experience.

Muffle’s space had been set up earlier, with her kitty condo, food and litter box. She was truly my super-duper trooper for the ease with which she adapted to her new home!

Finding grooming essentials and preparing food were challenging. Locating something to wear proved easier. In the next weeks somehow whatever I pulled out worked as if by magic, creating original and unexpectedly pleasing combinations. I suggest to designers planning new collections that they first create some chaos and observe what emerges randomly.

THOUGH I AM ATTEMPTING TO PRESENT THIS SAGA OF LIVING OUT OF BOXES IN A POSITIVE, LIGHT AND ENTERTAINING MANNER THE EXPERIENCE IS AT TIMES ALMOST NIGHTMARISH. IT WOULD BE DISHONEST TO GLOSS OVER THE CHALLENGES AND OBSTACLES THAT ARISE DAILY.

THE TASK OF PRUNING MY EARTHY GOODS IS ALMOST OVERWHELMING – IT CANNOT BE TRUE THOUGH IT APPEARS THAT THE MORE I DISPOSE OF THE MORE IS LEFT.

 I AM REMEMBERING A VISION THAT APPEARED THE LAST NIGHT I SPENT IN 10-A. AN ENORMOUS ETCHING OF AN ANGEL – LIKE A WOODCUT CARVED IN NEUTRAL TONES – DOMINATED MY ROOM – PERHAPS 20 FEET LARGE. IT WAS TWO DIMENSIONAL AND SILENT YET ITS’ MESSAGE OF DIVINE PROTECTION WAS – AND IS – ELOQUENTLY CLEAR.

Initially my mindset was that I could handle this move with a little or lot of help from my friends. I had simply overestimated my physical capability and underestimated/denied the enormity of the task. Also, even the best of friends have demanding lives in which helping others must fit into available time after their priorities.

So I was literally forced to exit the box of my limited thinking.

Of course my angel brokered the exodus.

As I returned from marketing one afternoon, my concierge introduced me to a young woman seeking employment. Subrina had worked as housekeeper in the penthouse of this building for several years for a Chinese family that had returned to their home in Hong Kong. Sal thought I might need some help getting settled; well, that was an understatement! Subrina has been a godsend – capable, pleasant, with the endurance needed for this formidable task. As the icing on the cake, she is well educated, lives according to her high spiritual values and has adopted me as a mentor. What would have taken me months to accomplish is rapidly accelerating and developing into a mutually satisfying and productive relationship.

THE COST IN TIME, ENERGY AND RESOURCES WILL RESULT IN FULL REALIZATION THAT THIS IS INDEED MY NEW RESIDENCE, WHERE ALL IS ORGANIZED ACCORDING TO PRESENT REQUIREMENTS; TRULY A HOME WHERE THERE IS A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.

THE PACKING STUFF IS MOSTLY GONE. CUPBOARDS AND CLOSETS ARE FILLING TO THE MAX. MORE EDITING WILL BE REQUIRED TO REFINE AND REDUCE MOST, IF NOT ALL, THAT IS SUPERFLUOUS.

GIVING AWAY THAT WHICH, REGARDLESS OF ATTACHMENTS, SIMPLY DID NOT MAKE THE CUT WAS MADE EASIER, KNOWING THAT EVERYTHING WILL FIND A NEW LIFE OF USEFULNESS. THIS MAKES PARTING FROM POSSESSIONS A SWEETER SORROW.

MY FRIEND IRENE N. HAD ENVISIONED AN APARTMENT WHERE LIGHT WOULD STREAM THROUGH THE WINDOWS AS I WORK, AS IT IS NOW DOING. MY HEART MATCHES ITS ILLUMINATION.

THESE ARE THE WORDS THAT NOW DEFINE MY CORE:

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
-Tao Te Ching

We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting.
-Joseph Campbell

YOU CAN ONLY LOSE WHAT YOU CLING TO.
-Buddha

After an exhausting period of packing and editing furnishings and possessions, I am amazed at just how much worldly goods one person can accumulate. The deed is done! By now there isn’t a shred of plaster left of 10-A. All that accumulated energy and history held within its’ walls has vaporized – ready to rise to a new threshold – an auspicious recreation/reinvention/ renewal.

Some of my cherished convictions and concepts have been shattered by the superior ones of Higher Guidance. I had considered replacing my lovely red Chinese rug; now, renewed and re-fringed, it rests regally on a blonde parquet wood floor, bathed in light, completely transformed.

The Ionic column desk, which had so captured my vision of classic creativity, was found to have a structural defect. Just prior to shipping, the order was cancelled. It will be replaced by a graceful art deco desk and chair which will sit in front of floor to ceiling windows which back-light my work space.

Since almost all of my clothing is buried in boxes, whatever I retrieve is magically the exact right choice. Reinventing my wardrobe in unexpected and pleasing combinations previously not considered.

                  Restructuring has also occurred in relationships that date back as much as three decades. It’s not that people have changed; they continue to do what they have always done. Only now my tolerance level for what was previously acceptable is limited and defined by that which enhances my emotional well-being. If sacrificing authenticity is the diplomatic price to purchase approval, then what others think of me is none of my concern, as long as my words and deeds are rooted in integrity.

LOVE AND SUPPORT OUTRANK JUDGEMENTS AND OPINIONS. WE ALL SEE EVERYTHING THROUGH FILTERS OF CONDITIONING AND PROGRAMMING, WHICH ARE OUR BIRTHRIGHT TO RETAIN OR REVISE ACCORDING TO NEW INSIGHT.

MY NEW HOME IS SIX BLOCKS FROM MY FORMER APARTMENT. I HAD ASSUMED THAT BY STAYING IN A FAMILIAR NEIGHBORHOOD, I WOULD RETAIN A MORE OR LESS FAMILIAR ROUTINE – WELL, THAT ASSUMPTION  HAS ALSO BEEN SHATTERED – I MAY AS WELL HAVE MOVED TO A DIFFERENT CITY. (OFTEN WE FORGET THAT NEW YORK IS COMPOSED OF UNCOUNTABLE ENCLAVES, EACH WITH ITS OWN CHARACTER.)

THIS LOCATION, WITHIN THREE SHORT BLOCKS, HAS A HEALING CENTER WHERE INTEGRATIVE SERVICES SUCH AS MASSAGE AND ACUPUNCTURE ARE AVAILABLE BY A PROFESSIONAL STAFF AT AFFORDABLE PRICES. (MY LEG AND ALLERGIES ARE RESPONDING WELL) WE ALSO HAVE A HEALTH FOOD SUPERMARKET AND SEVERAL NATURAL RESTAURANTS AS WELL AS EXCELLENT ETHNIC EATERIES. NAIL SPAS ABOUND AS DO THE USUAL SMALL CONVENIENCE BUSINESSES. IF I CRAVE FASHION, IT’S A BLOCK WEST.

Oddly, as chaos, clutter and confusion overwhelm my living quarters; my mind remains relatively free of disorganization, disarray and discomfort. Never has my heart been filled with such serenity, peace and gratitude.

This building is not so large that it is impersonal or too small to provide amenities. First names are the norm. Everyone smiles and says hello.

My street is quiet. There are trees outside. My little balcony holds my artificial greenery which looks quite natural and doesn’t require a green thumb.

Did I mention that looking west I can see Ira’s old apartment building? Looking up I spot the balconies on his floor, sensing his happiness as he holds our little Yinnie in his arms as they rejoice in watching over Muffie and me.

HOW CAN THESE BLESSINGS BE DISMISSED AS PURE GOOD FORTUNE, THE RANDOM FALLOUT OF CHANCE EVENTS? HAPPENSTANCE IS RANDOM, LETTING THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY.

THE WORKINGS OF AN INTELLIGENT UNIVERSE ARE JUST THAT: THERE CAN BE NOTHING CARELESS OR INDIFFERENT – NO LUCK OF THE DRAW IN THE TINIEST DETAIL.

SMITHEREENS VAPORIZE INTO NOTHINGNESS, TO LITERALLY GET A NEW LEASE ON LIFE, TO RE-EMERGE AS EVOLVED RESULTS OF THE ULTIMATE COLLABORATION WITH OUR CREATOR:

THE PHOENIX ARISES ONCE MORE FROM THE ASHES OF THE BURNT-OUT PAST AS THE RE-CREATION OF DIVINITY AND ITS MOST DIVINE CREATION – MANKIND.

Acceptance eventually replaces resistance as the intellect finally comes to terms with the limitations of the body. Never has this been so obvious to me as in this process of packing up to move out of what is no longer my long-time home. (The new owners have already invaded with their team of architects, designers and other transformers. The place will be pristine and gorgeous, at least until their two little boys initiate the premises!)

To illustrate my present state: I am an avid reader and buyer of books, acquiring numerous and spacious shelves to house them. My imminent move to smaller quarters prompted, in addition to accepting the fact that my library would not be making the trip, the realization that I had an unlimited warehouse of reference online at my fingertips, occupying virtually no space at all. The formidable task of transferring this amount of hardcopy to cartons for removal is a daunting task which  can only be accomplished by those younger and stronger than I.

Bless my friends, Irene and Cindy, for their caring and coming to my rescue! Bearing cardboard cartons for packing and containers of food for sustenance, they have taken charge to such a degree that my role is largely one of editing personal effects.

 OK – SO THE BOD AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A SENIOR MOMENT OR TWO, THE MIND AND SENSE-ABILITIES ARE SOAKING IN THE FULL ESSENCE OF BEING FULLY CONSCIOUS IN THIS EXPERIENCE WHILE TRANSLATING IT INTO THE LANGUAGES OF EMOTIONS, SOUL AND SPIRIT.

CONCURRENT WITH THIS ACTIVITY COME PERIODS WHEN I CANNOT KEEP MY EYES OPEN AND TIMES WHEN THOUGHTS OF FURNITURE PLACEMENT KEEP ME AWAKE TIL DAWN.

COPING WITH THE MUSCULAR/NERVE PAIN IN MY RIGHT LEG INHIBITS ACTIVITY BEYOND SHOPPING FOR NECCESSITIES. STILL I SENSE ENORMOUS – IF GRADUAL – SURGES OF FORWARD ENERGY WHICH WHISPER THAT ALL GOES WELL.

EVEN MY ELECTRONICS ARE SENDING ME AFFIRMATION THAT INDEED I AM ON COURSE, ALLIGNED WITH MY HIGHEST PURPOSE!

Taking a break from too much stillness pervading the premises on this Memorial Day weekend, I turned on Pandora, selecting my Jim Oliver station for background sound. To my astonishment the next track was by an artist called “Phoenix Arising” from an album titled

“Ascension”

Since the Phoenix is the mythological symbol which embodies my deepest beliefs and ascension accurately describes my path, what further feedback could I desire for validation?

It is apparent that the universe knows what is going on in its entirety, is aware of our most minute nuances of thoughts and activities well enough to actively dialogue with each individual and will offer accurate guidance with our highest purpose in mind. All that is required is our observance, agreement and participation.

LOVE IS THE SOLE CATALYST NEEDED TO IGNITE THIS INTERACTION!

GRATITUDE WILL FAN THE FLAME, ACCELERATE AND INSPIRE!

My computer conked out upon reaching this point; though Juan coaxed it back into operation, I will have to bite the bullet and replace it with a new model. So I have not been able to complete this blog or anything else. And I have to be outta here in ten days.

I hired a couple to wrap and pack. Anna and Vinnie may purchase small items. Since there will still be more furniture than available space, the question is to determine what will make the transition, what will go to thrift shops or others who can give it a new life.

This feeling is slightly surreal, since I have relinquished all attachments of ownership to the past. My major concern is that Muffie will make the journey easily – since cats are curious creatures, once in her new digs, she is certain to find new and cozy nooks and crannies to explore.

A BLESSING ARRIVED THIS MORNING. ATER WEEKS Of PAIN I AWOKE TO THE FEELING Of SOMETHING MISSING; IT TOOK A FEW SECONDS TO REALIZE THAT NOTHING HURT – MY LEG WAS ALMOST BACK TO NORMAL  I COULD ACTUALLY WALK WITHOUT WINCING.

IS THIS A HARINGER INDICATING FORWARD MOVEMENT IN OTHER RESTRICTED, STAGNANT AND STUCK AREAS OF MY ONGOING SOAP OPERA?

Though I have probably discussed this topic in a previous article the message is worth many repetitions, mostly because the concept is so contrary to popular belief/experience that acceptance may be difficult. For most, survival is a daunting lifelong struggle. As some wag said:

“Life is a bitch and then you die.”

It is an inescapable observation that living under most world conditions frequently seems such an escalating challenge that it takes all one’s energy just to stay afloat; the more effort expended, the fewer rewards are reaped. According to most popular wisdom, we are that taught that operating at 99% of one’s capacity is grueling, exhausting and unfulfilling.

ODDLY ENOUGH, WORKING AT 100% OF CAPACITY TRANSFORMS LABOR INTO A HARMONIOUS FLOW WHICH IS ULTIMATELY INVIGORATING, PRODUCTIVE AND SATISFYING.

For some time I have been documenting a major personal transition; moving from a 5½ room co-op to a  one bedroom plus living room rental, perhaps the most challenging endeavor of this incarnation. Today I will depart from that narrative to talk about the underlying evolvement of my emotional and spiritual development as, once more

THE GAME CHANGES.

 When the economic crisis of 2009 occurred, It became clear that no amount of wishful thinking was going to alter this inescapable fact: I had to move to higher (and more affordable) ground or drown in a flood of escalating debt and overwhelming frustration. My co-op costs were rising as income decreased.

Co-existing with this inevitability of physical upheaval was another ground shift, one challenging the basic beliefs that I had so carefully constructed and nurtured for many decades. Some years back I made a somewhat reverse Faustian covenant with Creation:

I WILL LIVE THE REST OF THIS EARTHLY SPAN EXCLUSIVELY IN SERVICE TO THE HIGHEST ASPECT OF MY BEING – THE PORTION THAT IS ONE WITH MY MAKER.

I WILL PUT ALL MY EGGS IN ONE BASKET, SINK OR SWIM, WIN OR LOSE. I WILL PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS, WALK MY TALK, TELL MY TRUTH. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND. JUST AS ONE CANNOT BE A LITTLE BIT PREGNANT, ONE CAN SERVE ONLY ONE MASTER.

EITHER GOD IS EVERYTHING OR NOTHING.

I am far enough along on this journey to know for sure that this is the only road that leads to ultimate Truth. How can I be so sure?

“THUS BY THEIR FRUITS YOU WILL RECOGNIZE THEM.”
Mathew 7:20

This for me refers to observing results from my choices.

My soon to be vacated apartment is rather dark in coloring – dark stained wood floors, rich earth tones, Chinese red rug – you get the picture. Sunlight is sparse, even in rooms that face south, because of high-rises across the street. The interior office where I work overlooks a courtyard and the building next door. The furniture is black, placed on a brown tweed carpet, accented by a huge bronze Buddha. Though I have enjoyed writing here, there will be no separate workroom in my new digs. Instead there will be a bedroom/studio.

Browsing on the internet in search of a new desk, I found one that caused me to gasp with delight. The working surface is flanked by ionic columns that rise to the ceiling, in a white oak finish. The design evokes such spaciousness! A keynote was immediately established for the entire apartment for which I am applying – floor to ceiling windows, blonde wood floors – just the opposite of my home of over 50 years. To maintain this space, income must be generated.

OTHER THAN MY CREATIVE GIFTS I HAVEN’T MUCH TO OFFER IN EXCHANGE FOR COLD CASH. IT APPEARS THAT MY POSSESIONS, EXCEPT FOR MY HOME, ARE OF LITTLE VALUE IN TODAY’S MARKET.

I HAVE 30 DAYS TO VACATE. THE PLACE LOOKS LIKE A WAR ZONE. YET I AM FILLED WITH THE LIGHT OF A DAWNING NEW DAY. LIGHT ALWAYS DISPELS DARKNESS. AS MY SOUL BRIGHTENS, MY LOAD LIGHTENS – LITERALLY!

BREAKDOWN ALWAYS PRECEDES BREAKTHROUGH.

“THE DARKEST HOUR ANNOUNCES THE DAWN.”
Unknown

AGAIN I HAVE LEAPED IN FAITH AND SO THE NET MUST APPEAR