Month: September 2013

  • PAYING ATTENTION

    As I inch forward along this well-worn road, I know by now that to stay alert, awake and attentive is essential to avoiding the pitfalls of mere wishful thinking and downright deception, whether by ones’ self or well-meaning others.

     One must refocus and rely only on one’s personal connection to infallible guidance from highest Source, while politely passing over solutions stemming from frequently “common sense” suggestions offered by programmed and/or traditional minds. More often than not there is such opposition in various viewpoints that it requires much discernment to separate the wheat from the chaff.

    Eventually humans may fully evolve to the extent that the left / logical and right / intuitive hemispheres of their brains will harmonize and become a single unit, presenting only thoughts that are fully integrated and aligned with well-being.

     SINCE PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT…

    I SHALL PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!

    I am now noticing small, or not so small, synchronicities.

    TO CLARIFY, I SHALL ENUMERATE THEM CHRONOLOGICALLY, MORE OR LESS:

    My daughter, Carol, called me from California a few days ago to tell me that someone she grew up with in this building, Tammy, gave her the name of a real estate broker, Judy, who reputedly knows every apartment on the Upper East Side (I prefer to remain in my present neighborhood. It feels like home.)

    I met Judy yesterday in the lobby of a building a few blocks away to look at possibilities. Previously in the week, I had inquired about rentals from an office I just “happened” to pass. The young man from this agency showed me an apartment suitable in every way except price. The location was next door to a drug chain, across the street from a supermarket and my bank. In front was a crosstown bus stop.

     Interestingly, Carol’s father, Arnold, had lived there after our separation. So did Carol, when at fourteen, she decided that living with mom was much too restrictive of her personal freedom. Later, Carols’ new step-mom to be, Linda joined the household. She still lives in the same premises with her significant other. Not to worry if we should meet, Linda and I are cool. If THOSE walls could talk!

    NOW IT JUST “HAPPENED” THAT THE BUILDING JUDY SHOWED ME WAS IN THE SAME VICINITY AS THE LOCATION I HAVE JUST DESCRIBED, ONLY NOT QUITE AS PRICY. THERE ARE PRESENTLY NO VACANCIES. IN MAY, MY PROJECTED MOVING DATE, SOMETHING COULD OPEN UP.

    SO WHERE IS THIS PATH LEADING? I HAVEN’T A CLUE.

    THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I WONDER WHAT ACTIONS I SHOULD BE TAKING.THE SPIRITUAL LEADER AND FOUNDER OF THE “SEDONA METHOD”, LESTER LEVENSON, RECOMMENDED USE OF “THE BUTT SYSTEM” WHEN FACED WITH SEEMING DIFFICULTIES.

    I SOMETIMES SIT AND WATCH OLD MOVIES. OFTEN THEY CONTAIN ENCOURAGING DIALOGUE, SUCH AS WHEN, IN “ALICE ADAMS”, THE FAMILY IS IN DIRE NEED, HER FATHER COUNSELS THAT SOMETHING ALWAYS COMES ALONG – AND IT DOES!

    FREQUENTLY WHEN I LISTEN TO MUSIC THE OLD ELLINGTON STANDARD “DO NOTHING ‘TIL YOU HEAR FROM ME” IS PLAYED,

     I INTERPRET THIS AS A SIGN FROM DIVINE GUIDANCE TO TAKE THE MESSAGE LITERALLY.

    IT’S A GORGEOUS EARLY SPRING DAY. A WALK IN THE PARK, OBSERVING MOTHER NATURE DECKED OUT IN HER NEW FINERY REMINDS ME THAT IT’S TIME TO PUT AWAY THE HEAVY WINTER GEAR AND DON SOMETHING LIGHTER. THIS CAN CARRY OVER TO MAINTAINING SUNNY THOUGHTS.

    HOW CAN I HAVE WEIGHTY MATTERS ON MY MIND ON SUCH A LIGHT AIRY APRIL DAY?

    I SHALL DON SOME SPRING FINERY, PARK MY BUTT ON A BENCH IN THE PARK AND DO NOTHING ‘TIL I HEAR FROM SOURCE.

  • FALLING APART

    The first phase of a major game change is that one notices small signals. The winds of life are shifting. After a period of relative calm, something is stirring, signaling that the time has arrived to stay alert – go along – accept – that one’s life has taken an irrevocable turn in a different direction.

    This morning the door of one of my kitchen cabinets became unhinged; this occurred after a week of witnessing that I, too, was becoming unhinged. There are no coincidences.

    The deed is done. The closing date on my residence of 57 years is May 2nd. It is now March 29th. Then I will have 30 days to move Muffie & Mommy to a new home.

     THE PRESENT PROSPECTS FOR THIS RELOCATION ARE DISMAL EARLIER THIS WEEK, EXPLORING ON A BLEAK, COLD RAINY DAY, I REALIZED THAT NO WAY COULD I LIVE IN AN UNPROTECTED BUILDING WITHOUT A SUPERMARKET OR SUPERINTENDENT IN SIGHT.

     DAILY I LOOK AROUND AT FAMILIAR SIGNS OF DETERIATION – BROKEN FAUCET HANDLES, MISMATCHED TILES, STUCK WINDOWS, BROKEN LOCKS – ALL CRYING OUT FOR RENEWAL. SOON THEIR WISH WILL BE GRANTED AS A YOUNG VIBRANT FAMILY WILL MOVE INTO THEIR GORGEOUS RENOVATED HOME.

    I CAN BEGIN TO CONTEMPLATE A SIMILAR NEW LEASE ON LIFE AS MY ATTITUDE SHIFTS FROM PANIC TO POSSIBILITIES. THE END OF THIS INITIALLY DISTURBING PERIOD IS DRAWING TO A MERCIFUL CLOSE WITH THE IMPLACABLE REALIZATION THAT NO ONE IS COMING TO MY PITY PARTY.

    When I left my first husband in Brooklyn and headed for Manhattan, the motivating circumstances were the breakdown of a dysfunctional marriage plus its consequence, a temporarily displaced child. Putting a band-aid on that situation involved further upheaval – sleep away summer camp and a long visit to grandma in North Carolina for Rick. Meanwhile I moved to a closet with a cot at the (then) Barbizon Hotel for Women.

     By the time I had miraculously moved into my present apartment with six year old Rick and gotten my furniture out of storage, I was immersed in a new doomed relationship – Arnold. An attorney who reneged on his promise to adopt Rick had by then produced a daughter, Carol. Now it became a “my son, his daughter” situation with no win in sight. Red flags of revolt reigned on all fronts. When inevitably we parted, my mother pleaded “Irene, please don’t tell anyone” Clearly, my failure reflected unfavorably on her.

    I did my utmost as a single working mother to provide for my family without alimony – by choice. My angels for sixteen years were a live-in couple, Joseph and Mary Cabau. Joseph worked full-time elsewhere: both moonlighted as “duenna” for me and devoted “grandparents” for my kids. Without them I could never have traveled extensively for my job as a designer/stylist in the textile industry, gaining income and experience. What glass ceiling? When the Women’s Movement came around I had already “been there – done that.”

    IT SEEMS PREDESTINED THAT THIS PARTICULAR GAME CHANGE IS OCCURRING IN THE TIME FRAME OF THE SPRING EQUINOX, JUST AS MOTHER EARTH IS LAUNCHING HER LATEST LINE OF BEAUTY PRODUCTS FOR OUR PLEASURE. THE FULFILLMENT OF WINTERS’ CONFINEMENT HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO AN EXPLOSION OF NEWLY BORN LIFE.

    BEGINNING WITH THE EARLIEST SPRING RITES OF PAGANS, MOST RELIGIONS CELEBRATE THIS SEASON AS SYMBOLIC OF RENEWAL, REGENERATION AND REBIRTH. AT EASTER TIME, CHRISTIANS EXALT JESUS AS PROOF OF ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH HIS RESURRECTION. FOR JEWS, PASSOVER REPRESENTS RELEASE FROM SLAVERY INTO FREEDOM.

    IRANIANS AND OTHERS FROM THE MUSLIM WORLD SIMULTANEOUSLY OBSERVE THEIR NEW YEAR IN THE MIDST OF NATURE’S SPLENDOR. ZOROASTRIANS HAVE PRACTICED THEIR RELIGION FOR 3,700 YEARS; THEY REMEMBER THEIR ANCESTORS AT YEAR’S END, BELIEVING THAT THEIR DEPARTED ONES REVISIT THEM AT THIS TIME.
    Washington Post 3/21/10

     I LIVE NEAR A FACILITY WHICH CARES FOR THE ILL AND ELDERLY, SURELY A SEGMENT OF SOCIETY REGARDED AS SUPERFLUOUS BY MANY. WITH A JOLT OF GRATITUDE I REALIZE THAT I WILL WALK INTO MY NEW QUARTERS ON TWO LEGS AND CARE FOR MYSELF WITH TWO CAPABLE HANDS. MY BODY IS UP TO THE TASK, SUPPORTED BY AN EVER MORE CREATIVE MIND AND AN UNDAUNTED SPIRIT.

     ONLY THOSE WHO WILL RISK GOING TOO FAR CAN POSSIBLY FIND OUT HOW FAR ONE CAN GO.
    T.S. Eliot